( The silence hangs heavy and thick and even those words aren't quite enough to silence the guilt entirely, but the gnawing becomes a quiet hum instead, a familiar thing which is easier to ignore.
And is entirely forgotten when he pulls away and explains the thing that's been on his mind. Her expression flickers, brows knitting together, lips twisting, the weight of knowledge quickly settling against her chest. It sits next to the mix of things she doesn't want to think about - the inevitable fact that one or both of them will have to leave, that they're two people from two vastly different worlds with lives and responsibilities that can't be left to one side.
And the fact that, when that happens, all the memories disappear.
Emotional responses sit on the tip of her tongue, but don't make it out. What good would any of them do, anyway? )
I see.
( She keeps her voice even, hands shifting and finding his, clasping tight around them in place of any further words. )
[He'll let the poor choice of words pass to one side. Now isn't the time for the pun he might have made of it. There's a reason to tell her this now - worrying her over something she would never have to be concerned with isn't the driving force - and he looks down at their joined hands before he quietly goes on.]
I've been aware of it for some time. I didn't know how to tell you, I...
[Isn't it funny? A man of such education and fine words as he had no idea of how to express such a thing to someone he cares so much about. His jaw tenses briefly, fingers squeezing over hers. Measuring his words is difficult under such conditions.]
... I know that I might come back here after it happens.
( How do you find the words for such a thing? Do such words even exist? Kate couldn't find them if they were, but then, she can't find the words for far simpler things all too often. Her fingers tighten around his hands automatically, a silent plea of not yet, he's not allowed to leave yet.
The first noise to escape her lips is a laugh, a soft and humourless one, because that's exactly the kind of bullshit Hadriel would pull. She nearly says as much, but catches herself at the last minute, her grip loosening on his hands slightly, enough to allow her fingertips to stroke the skin underneath. )
I'll still be here. ( Kate pauses. ) As long as the Door doesn't change its mind.
[He's already had another unspoken question more an answered. Would it bother her, or change anything between them? Everything tells him that the answer to that question would be 'no' (or, potentially, 'don't say such a stupid thing, Ignis'), despite the way he can't help but feel at the moment.]
I... sincerely hope it doesn't. [And is that selfish, he wonders, though if it is he certainly doesn't feel guilty about it.]
I already know a great deal that I shouldn't. [Ignis mutters, shaking his head.] But it's a comfort that nothing would change between us.
( Definitely the second one. It's hard to be certain, because she doesn't know how being blind will change him - not physically, that's obvious. But everything else. How would he react to such a thing? She likes to think he'd fight, that he'd stay the same person he is or close to it, but she could be wrong. They don't know. She imagines Ignis doesn't know the answer to that any more than she does. )
I hope not.
( She admits. She can only hope that it doesn't. That they weather the storm together. )
[That's one thing he doesn't know, either. Noctis - the elder one - and himself never got the chance to go into that. He doesn't know how it will affect him and what kind of person he will be afterwards, save that he will not stop fighting.
Ignis squeezes her hands, still troubled but more quietly so. It presses on him like a weight but one that, at least right now, he can bear.]
( It's one of those moments, the ones that come rarely now, where she remembers just how young Ignis is, despite all behaviour pointing to the contrary. He's in his early 20s, barely (if at all) older than she was when she left The Agency, and this future has to weigh on him. He should be worrying about normal things, like paying rent or the workload at his job. Not... this.
Kate simply looks at him for a long, quiet moment, as though trying to memorise the exact colour of his eyes and the light and life that's normally there. As though doing so will prevent the decay of time or the Door's erasure of her memory, should it happen. )
Yeah. ( She'll have to be. There's nothing Kate can do about this, not by a long shot. Even if she affected the Door, somehow, how would it be better to keep him where he isn't supposed to be? ) ...Eventually.
[Ignis has never had the luxury of being able to worry about normal things. From the age of six, he was never afforded that, and the things that he has to concern himself with in Hadriel are still not as pressing as those he will have to consider when he returns to Eos.
He sits quietly under her scrutiny, his eyes never leaving hers as if he knows what she's doing. At the same time, he look at her, trying to hold her face in his memory.]
I should have told you sooner. [His fingers press lightly around hers again.] I didn't want you to have to worry about it.
You should have. ( She echoes it firmly, the words almost sounding like a scolding as they roll from her tongue. ) I... want to know these things.
( Knowing that she can't do anything about it hurts, because Kate has an almost compulsive need to try and save those she cares about. To protect them. But she would rather know this. She would rather he wasn't staring down the dread of his future alone. )
[He takes the admonishment elegantly, ducking his head slightly and subtly clearing his throat. It's about as chagrined as she'll ever see him look, but he doesn't let go of her hands in the meantime.]
I'll keep that in mind. [Ignis murmurs. They love each other. They should be able to talk about anything. It's not that simple, because it never is, but in the ideal world...
( She hopes he does, as well. Doesn't even consider the fact that she should be heeding her own words as well.
For now, that guilt is a light hum instead of a screaming bird, and it's easy for Kate to distract herself by pressing a kiss to his lips, hand curled around the side of his neck as she pulls them both down onto the bed. )
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claritatis) wrote2030-07-15 07:22 pm
no subject
And is entirely forgotten when he pulls away and explains the thing that's been on his mind. Her expression flickers, brows knitting together, lips twisting, the weight of knowledge quickly settling against her chest. It sits next to the mix of things she doesn't want to think about - the inevitable fact that one or both of them will have to leave, that they're two people from two vastly different worlds with lives and responsibilities that can't be left to one side.
And the fact that, when that happens, all the memories disappear.
Emotional responses sit on the tip of her tongue, but don't make it out. What good would any of them do, anyway? )
I see.
( She keeps her voice even, hands shifting and finding his, clasping tight around them in place of any further words. )
no subject
I've been aware of it for some time. I didn't know how to tell you, I...
[Isn't it funny? A man of such education and fine words as he had no idea of how to express such a thing to someone he cares so much about. His jaw tenses briefly, fingers squeezing over hers. Measuring his words is difficult under such conditions.]
... I know that I might come back here after it happens.
no subject
The first noise to escape her lips is a laugh, a soft and humourless one, because that's exactly the kind of bullshit Hadriel would pull. She nearly says as much, but catches herself at the last minute, her grip loosening on his hands slightly, enough to allow her fingertips to stroke the skin underneath. )
I'll still be here. ( Kate pauses. ) As long as the Door doesn't change its mind.
no subject
I... sincerely hope it doesn't. [And is that selfish, he wonders, though if it is he certainly doesn't feel guilty about it.]
I already know a great deal that I shouldn't. [Ignis mutters, shaking his head.] But it's a comfort that nothing would change between us.
no subject
I hope not.
( She admits. She can only hope that it doesn't. That they weather the storm together. )
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Ignis squeezes her hands, still troubled but more quietly so. It presses on him like a weight but one that, at least right now, he can bear.]
Are you going to be alright?
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Kate simply looks at him for a long, quiet moment, as though trying to memorise the exact colour of his eyes and the light and life that's normally there. As though doing so will prevent the decay of time or the Door's erasure of her memory, should it happen. )
Yeah. ( She'll have to be. There's nothing Kate can do about this, not by a long shot. Even if she affected the Door, somehow, how would it be better to keep him where he isn't supposed to be? ) ...Eventually.
( For now, she needs to process it. )
no subject
He sits quietly under her scrutiny, his eyes never leaving hers as if he knows what she's doing. At the same time, he look at her, trying to hold her face in his memory.]
I should have told you sooner. [His fingers press lightly around hers again.] I didn't want you to have to worry about it.
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( Knowing that she can't do anything about it hurts, because Kate has an almost compulsive need to try and save those she cares about. To protect them. But she would rather know this. She would rather he wasn't staring down the dread of his future alone. )
no subject
I'll keep that in mind. [Ignis murmurs. They love each other. They should be able to talk about anything. It's not that simple, because it never is, but in the ideal world...
He looks up at her, apologetic.]
no subject
For now, that guilt is a light hum instead of a screaming bird, and it's easy for Kate to distract herself by pressing a kiss to his lips, hand curled around the side of his neck as she pulls them both down onto the bed. )