( God it would be so easy to fall back on a yes, here, because that's what she's always believed would happen. It would hurt, and she'd probably spend ages after the fact berating herself and singing the song of this is exactly why dating and love is stupid, but she'd braced for that for the whole time they've been together.
Considering a future? That's... difficult, strange and foreign to do. It seemed so impossible until just now, as unnatural as imagining who she would possibly be without her brother. But she had to face that, didn't she? And now—
Now she has to face this. Or at least face thinking about it. What would it be like, once the dust has settled? Once all the adjustments have been made and people have accepted him as a new part of their world and lives?
It could be great, if things go well. But what if it doesn't? )
... Don't make me the reason for leaving. ( The words don't come out easily, stuck to her tongue like gum sticks to a pavement, but they're there. Fear will always rear its ugly head in moments like this, wanting to claw all her feelings back inside of her and keep them safe, always putting up a fight, and Kate's long been tired of letting it win.
So. How to explain this. She shifts, twisting her body until her leg curls up on the table and she's angled towards him, hand finding his thigh and resting there.
He might not be able to physically see her, but she'd much rather look at him in she's going to say all of this. Each word comes out slowly, clear and clipped, weighted with all the consideration she's giving each of them. ) That's too much. I don't know... I don't know how to handle that. I don't want you stuck in my world and hating it... or resenting me.
( A moment's pause, an exhale, and the soft squeeze of his knee. )
I'd rather lose you like this than like that.
( She'd hate every moment of losing him, and every painful memory that arises for weeks and months after, but... isn't it better to know that she would be able to look back at this as something good instead of let it destroy itself and be scorched into something horrible? )
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-06-16 08:19 pm (UTC)( God it would be so easy to fall back on a yes, here, because that's what she's always believed would happen. It would hurt, and she'd probably spend ages after the fact berating herself and singing the song of this is exactly why dating and love is stupid, but she'd braced for that for the whole time they've been together.
Considering a future? That's... difficult, strange and foreign to do. It seemed so impossible until just now, as unnatural as imagining who she would possibly be without her brother. But she had to face that, didn't she? And now—
Now she has to face this. Or at least face thinking about it. What would it be like, once the dust has settled? Once all the adjustments have been made and people have accepted him as a new part of their world and lives?
It could be great, if things go well. But what if it doesn't? )
... Don't make me the reason for leaving. ( The words don't come out easily, stuck to her tongue like gum sticks to a pavement, but they're there. Fear will always rear its ugly head in moments like this, wanting to claw all her feelings back inside of her and keep them safe, always putting up a fight, and Kate's long been tired of letting it win.
So. How to explain this. She shifts, twisting her body until her leg curls up on the table and she's angled towards him, hand finding his thigh and resting there.
He might not be able to physically see her, but she'd much rather look at him in she's going to say all of this. Each word comes out slowly, clear and clipped, weighted with all the consideration she's giving each of them. ) That's too much. I don't know... I don't know how to handle that. I don't want you stuck in my world and hating it... or resenting me.
( A moment's pause, an exhale, and the soft squeeze of his knee. )
I'd rather lose you like this than like that.
( She'd hate every moment of losing him, and every painful memory that arises for weeks and months after, but... isn't it better to know that she would be able to look back at this as something good instead of let it destroy itself and be scorched into something horrible? )